Everyone has a roommate story

How Many Classes Are You Going To Fail This Semester?

My freshman year roommate was a monster. I don't mean he was mean. He was fat and he smelled. If the pillsbury dough boy smelled like arm-pits instead of muffins, and shopped at Hot Topic you'd have Greg (name changed), my old roommate. Somewhere inside of Greg was a good guy, but he was inconsiderate and in no way ready to live away from home.

Around mid-terms of our first semester Greg realized that he had missed too many classes and tests to pass anything. He spoke with his advisor and they decided the best course of action would be for him to take a leave of absence. This meant he wouldn't get any credits and it wouldn't affect his GPA. I was happy because it meant he would leave school and I'd have the room to myself for half a semester. At least, that's what should have happened.

Fearing backlash and disappointment, Greg decided not tell his parents that he used their tuition money to sleep and play Magic: the Gathering. The school forgot to kick him off campus, too. I spent the rest of the semester with a roommate who slept from 10 am to 8 pm and watched anime and played video games during the hours when a normal human being (me) would be sleeping. My dislike for him grew steadily as time went by. I made a point not to even speak to him for the majority of the second semester.

Greg didn't come back to school for his sophomore year. As far as I know he dropped out to train to be a cop, like his dad. I don't know how people that out of shape can pass a fitness test so I'm not sure what actually ended up happening to him.

I mention Greg now because he seems to keep popping up in the CollegeHumor Quiz column I write. At least he was good for something.

It was true that I could tell if he was in the room or not before I opened the door by the smell.

Zippers and Flys

Right across the street from the Port Authority is a billboard that I don't get. It's been there since the first day I interned at CV. Every morning I walk out of the bus terminal and the city greets me with a massive billboard for YKK zippers. I could go on and on about how I'm not sure who they're advertising to, and why I don't think people by pants based on the zipper brand, but ...

Today I wore an old pair of jeans to work that are notorious for letting the fly fall open without my knowledge. Twice I caught myself walking around zipper agape, bold blue homer simpson boxers triumphantly peaking their head out from inside my pants. Now I think I understand and, upon further inspection, the zipper that keeps betraying me was made by YKK.

Look at me!

I shaved my mustache. I no longer look French, or like a Confederate soldier.

Veggie-science

Dog breeders are getting pretty good at mixing old kinds of dogs to make new dogs, but I still can't order up a delicious cucumbamatoe salad for lunch. Why? Get with the program botanists!

Other fruit/vegetable combinations I would like science to invent

• kiwi-melon (like a kiwi, but bigger!)
• blackberry-melon (like a blackberry, but way bigger)
• Cucumber-melon (it's the best candle smell, why can't I eat it?)
• Meatball-berry (bite-size meatballs that grow on meatball bushes)
• Potatana (Banana shaped potatoes, good for making big-ass french fries!)
• Carrotchoke (Artichokes are a pain in the butt to eat, let's make them shaped like carrots)
• Pumponut (somewhere in between coconut and pumpkin, not sure how it works yet)
• Ice zucchini-cream (like zucchini, but more like ice cream and not gross!)
  
• pine-apple (LOL)

I can't sleep

If modern science finds a cure for cancer, will smoking still be considered a self-destructive habit?

Dancing in the street

A co-worker of mine goes around the world dancing and videotaping it. Friday night a bunch of us from CV all danced in Times Square. It was fun.



Davey Dance Blog -34- TIMES SQUARE - Muse - "Time Is Running Out" from Pheasant Plucker and Vimeo.